Sunday, April 6, 2014

In BDSM, When Does Play Become Abuse?

I recently posted a question to different social media outlets with various answers. The question was simple, "When, for you, does play cross over into abuse?" So far on some outlets I've received answers like the following:

Never - I'm in control! When the safe word is ignored. When you reach the limits of your sub and force him or her beyond. Depends on the relationship.

I think ultimately I like the last answer best. I once wrote about castration on this blog to have a Domme inform me that was cruel and wrong. Her comment is still attached to the post and I respect her for it. I don't know if I always agree. It think the last answer above would be best because it does depend on the relationship.

Take for example my relationship with my Mistress. If you remember she passed away several years ago now. We had a positive relationship and met often. We were moving toward complete submission. By complete submission, I mean I was willing to get married. She had arranged for a friend to conduct the ceremony and for us to live together in Memphis. It was a very exciting time and we talked about a lot of things.

For us, tattoos were going to be a must. She wanted a wedding ring tattooed on each of our hands. I would have a ring on my ring finger that said, "Angie's". She would have a ring on hers that said, "Doug". In case you didn't catch it, she had the possessive "'s" and I did not...cute, uh? lol. Anyway. She further wanted a tattoo on my cock with her name. I'll be honest, I was worried about that one. I could just feel the needles pricking into my prick! I honestly did not know if I could handle it.

Finally we had agreed to two final points in our relationship. First, I would take her last name. That's natural for a sub to do in my world, and I know several who have done this. We also agreed that within one year, I would have my sperm frozen and kept on file for future possible offspring we might agree to. We had talked about the possibility of having children and not exposing them to our world. For all they would know, we were husband and wife like any other couple. The reason for having the sperm frozen was a safeguard. Angie, for all the love I had of her and the fun she had with my balls, had toyed with the idea of having me castrated. She had a family member who was a physician and she knew some of the benefits of castration, such as longer life, etc. She also knew that I could be kept fit by injections and that everything would still work with those injections. She said that by having the sperm stored, I would never know if and when she might decide to, as she used to like to joke, take me to the vet and have me fixed. In other words it was the excitement of never knowing. I might go in for a routine physical and come out a Eunuch at anytime.

Initially, I was concerned about this, but then again I loved my Mistress. This was also not an abusive situation. She was not going to cut my balls off during play and leave me to bleed to death. She wasn't going to beat me unconscious for me to wake up with a vet standing over me to remove my testicles. There had always been a lot of cock play. She had a large knife that she called her "Cock Cutting Knife" and she toyed with me often; however, it never went too far. We still had a safe word and she still respected me. To some, the idea of having my testicles removed might seem me it was play. It was never abuse.

I've seen people who were abused. I know of one submissive who had his jaw broken when his Mistress hit him. That, to me, was extreme abuse. Was the act of slapping him abusive? Not necessarily, but certainly the broken jaw was abusive. Had Angie tied me down and cut my balls off, I would have been abused, but I don't think I would have if I agreed in a safe environment. Fortunately, Angie was never abusive to me. We talked about everything from tattoos to castration, to Prince Alberts. I never felt forced and I never felt abused; however, for some people, waking up to find their Mistress' family member about to remove testicles would have been abusive. I don't feel it would have been at that point in the relationship, but then again that's me. It would have been for other reasons. I'm not even sure it would have ever happened. After all Angie always said one of the things she loved was CBT and CBT without balls is just Cock Torture.....and where's the fun in that?