The Erection and The Slave

I've often wondered about the connection between the male's mentally of being a slave and his erection. For example, I have seen many slaves when being punished by their owners do not have erections. I have seen this with humiliation, cross dressing, whipping, cbt, bondage, and all forms of owner enjoyment of their slaves. The erection, while there initially in many cases, fades quickly.

I, on the other hand, am the opposite. If my owner, or even a user for an evening, mentions what is going to happen, I instantly erect. While the erection may waiver during a beating, choking, or even while I'm being used sexually, it is still present and at least semi-hard. I have noticed that when I'm spoken too harshly or threatened like "I'm going to make you bleed," or "You'll have two assholes when I'm done," or "What the hell do you call these, balls?" I am instantly turned on. I find myself conditioning myself on many occasions as well to be prepared.

By conditioning, I mean that if an owner or potential owner or even a one night enjoy a slave ride is willing to give me a picture or let me hear their voice, I immediately start imaging myself at His or Her feet. I may print the picture and stare into the face or eyes as I masturbate. I've even grabbed by own balls and squeezed so hard that pain shot all through me while I imagined the person the picture controlling me. By this conditioning, once the owner or potential owner is ready for me, my focus is Him or Her. I believe this may contribute to my constant erection even during abuse. Basically my mind has decided this is my act of sexual fulfillment and that the person in front of me is the only way I can have it.

Perhaps this is why the last time my a potential owner told me He would like to remove my nuts, my erection was constantly bobbing out in front of my like a fool. That one then put His boot on my chest, pushed me back to the bed and started CBT on my until tears were streaming down my face and I was begging him to stop.

Beating Meat

Sometimes when I'm alone
with no Domme or Dom of my own
I imagine my slavery in ropes
or chains to a collar and my hopes

I straddle an open toilet as I dangle
with lube, oils or lotions I gently strangle
the neck of my cock
thinking of a owner turns me hard as rocks

The faster I beat
and squat down lower with my meat
my balls begin to bounce
as I think of a lover trouncing

I imagine my hand is Hers or His
my balls bouncing to rhythm is
the throbbing of my beating meat
on that white toilet seat

Missed Mistress

I was recently on a trip and missed a huge opportunity to possibly meet my new owner. We had met through the Internet and she liked my blog here. We exchanged pictures and I have to admit she was beautiful. She had dominating eyes, a fact I told her, and a smile that said, "I already own your ass."

She had simple request, a first meeting with no promise of anything else. We were to meet at a local restaurant so she could evaluate my potential. For about an hour before the meeting I was walking around my hotel with a huge erection. Keep in mind that I haven't been owned in forever and to be honest I'm getting tired of beating it on the toilet seat. She had said there would be nothing but dinner, but I imagined all sorts of things.

I had ideas that she would slide her food under the dinner table and tap my balls, or that I would be so impressive that she would say to hell with her own rules and take me home to a bondage experience that I never could have believed in happening. Sadly, my borrowed car had other ideas.

I went down to leave the hotel and found my car would not start. As much as I tried, I couldn't get it to start. I ended up having to call my potential Mistress and tell her the situation. She hoped things would get better and asked that we try to get together again before I had to leave. Unfortunately, my car needed extensive repairs and I never was able to get together.

Shortly after returning to the Dallas area, I learned from an email that my potential Mistress may have found a new slave. I was saddened, but understanding. I hoped that she was the type of Mistress who would want an entire stable of slaves. Needless to say, it is very hard (well, yes that too) to find an owner these days!

Alone

I still find myself waking up at night alone and wondering if I will ever feel the leather of an owner's collar again. I had been collared for so long and although I was away a lot, there was always that chain linked, even if imaginary, from my Mistress' hand to my heart. Now, I'm left with a big hole.

Sometimes I just want to go out to the nearest club, stand on a table and yell, "Any takers. One night fuck me, use me, abuse me." I have to restrain from that or I'm afraid I'd go from being a slave to being a slut...well, in some ways that would be okay because as long as I'm owned I will be a slut, slave, or whatever my owner wants.

I've had Masters, Mistress', those who wanted me to call them "Dom" or "Domme" and I've been used ten different ways to one, and I've served ten different ways to one. I believe I could write the book on how a submissive is to be. I say "is to be" because i get tired of hearing submissives I've known say things like "This is how it should be," or "This is how I want it to be," etc. So many of them fail to understand that it isn't about how it "should" be, it's about how it "is". It "is" anyway your owner wants it to be. I told one whinny sub one time that complained that all his owner wanted to do was "shove a vibrating dildo up his ass and watch", that he was blessed to have that and should treasure each moment of how his owner said it "is" going to be. In retrospect, I'm honestly not sure he was a true sub... Although I do have to say I drew the line when an owner wanted to castrate me one time, but it was very fun play though...

Someday, as they say, my new owner's day will come...

On CBT

One of the hardest things (no pun intended) for a slave to endure is CBT. Cock Ball Toture is designed to bring the male slave to his knees, the floor, or cause him to pass out. Having been the receiving end of CBT on many occasions, I have found an equal amount of aggression in both the Dom and the Domme of the sexes.

I have noticed a few differences though and I'd like to point out my observations for you considerations here. Although minor, it could affect your next slave greatly.

The Dom tends to want to work on the balls more than the cock in this area of torture. It is almost as if the Dom, having his own set of balls, wants to see just how tough your balls are. He will slap them, clamp them, tie them and stretch them with great joy as the slave, in this case me, screams, crys and begs him not to rip them off my body. The Doms for the most part tend to stay away from the cock, especially if errect during this time.

On the other hand, the Domme is well spread in her desire to inflict pain on all areas. A Domme tends to start out gentle and even in a massage like manner so as to bring the slave to full errection before she starts. I have had many Dommes even masturbate me to the verge of my control, just before leaving my cock sticking up and stopping. Most of the time they will stop for moments while the urge dies down slightly and then start their torture session. A Domme seems more interested in keeping the slave's cock errect throughout the process whereas the Dom seems more interested in simply torture.

This has simply been my experience and hopefully in the future, I will experience either a Domme or Dom's hand again at CBT.

My Loss

You cannot imagine how it feels to wake up one morning and find your owner is gone. I was collared several years ago and we enjoy our relationship, but my owner died today. She was only the fourth person to have collared me, but I thought she might be the last.

What's a slave to do in this world. I've been left without a collar. That's part of the reason I'm starting this blog. I want to meet like minded people, male and female, couples and singles, everyone who has ever had an interest or is interested in owning a slave. My grief is still strong right now, but I'm sure the right person with the right tools can force me to think about something else.