Lately, I have had some changes in my feelings, and I guess you could say I have had changes in my abilities. The older I get, the more I seem to be claustrophobic. I discussed this in an earlier post a year or so ago on this blog, but now it seems intense.
I can no longer stand to get bound up in sheets or tight places without starting to panic. While I do not have a Mistress right now, I have tried to lay down and imagine myself tied to a bed. During that time I have found more and more panic type feelings. When I look at pictures of males tied up and imagine myself in those positions, it gets hard to breathe and I start to panic again. This is not a good sign obviously for a male submissive. But there is more...
I've also found myself very attracted to females in bondage. Sometimes the idea of having a submissive of my own causes a stir that I have not had before. I find myself imagining owning her, dominating her, pulling her back by her hair, and even tieing her down. There seems to be no reason for it or a specific woman in mind. I can see myself as Dom for a heavy set woman, a thinking woman, big-breasted, small-breasted, blond, redhead, etc. It just seems the idea of dominating a woman is getting stronger, but it gets into more...
I've also found myself thinking about dominating a man. Naturally, at my age for some reason I see myself having a twenty-thirty-year-old well-toned submissive male tied down with a rock hard erection sticking up in the middle of the bed.
There is no way of knowing if my changes mean I'm no longer submissive or not. I still am attracted to the idea of a woman dominating me. I still have my chastity device and think someday she will put it on me when she collars me, but I am fearful of a Domme who might want to tie me down. Who knows, maybe I have just reached an age where a good Domme needs two submissives...you know, as long as one is the rope one and I get to be the Top-Sub.
